Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Diets & Balance

Diets....oh how I hate that word.

I can not do it! I have tried so many freaking times. I have done a lot of crazy things.
At the end of everyday when I am on a diet, all I can think about is pizza. Thick, juicy, pizza. Yum. Preferably from Porky's.

Now Pizza is not bad for you. Well I am sure it is not exactly  good  for you either, but like it isn't like one slice will kill  you bad. However, when you spend 3 days starving yourself and you can not take it so you go home and buy an XL pizza (with a side order of garlic knots) and you eat like 5 slices and your 3 year old has one-well that is bad for you.

I don't know why I do it to myself. I am a smart girl, I know that every time before I start a diet that I will be in a grumpy ass mood. So why do I do it? Well because I do not like being overweight. I do not like being tired when I go upstairs at home. I do not like going to the movies or a concert and barely fitting in the chairs. I do not like avoiding going out or seeing certain people because of the way I look.  I do not like feeling sad. That is what leads me to crash diet and then a week later, binge eat.

I am not a diet person. It is time I accept that. I do not do diets.

With that said. I need to lose weight and I need to feel better about myself. There has to be a way I can do that...without breaking up with pizza ( because OMG I LOVE MY PIZZA) and without being a grumpy pants, because no one likes a grumpy pants. Especially my three year old and boyfriend.

So today I vow to "watch what I eat", for the rest of my life. It is that serious.

I love eating good food. I love cooking a great meal. I love the around the table with friends and family feeling. 

This does not mean that I can not eat pizza, or flan, or carne asada or past with oh so gooey cheese. It just means I can not eat that way for every meal. Which is what I have been doing for the last 4 years. I have found comfort in food when times were not so good, and when they were really good.

I have to take better care of myself. Diets, work for some. However they do not work for me. My struggle is different and it is my own. I will not let my unhappiness with my weight effect my relationships anymore. I have to be the one in control.

So if I want to get down with some yummy pizza, I should probably get down on that treadmill for at least 30 min the next morning!

There needs to be a balance, right now my life does not have that.

Today I say good-bye to the diets. Good-bye to the sadness and good-bye to the frustration.

I want to find the part of the girl that I was, the happy girl, in the woman that I am today. She is there. I will find her in due time.

2 comments:

  1. I went through the same thing and i still do, next tinge i see you we should talk about it because it's become sorry of a hobby of mine, trying to "be healthy"

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    Replies
    1. Yes lets! It is hard, I tried the vegetarian thing and it did not work out to well for me. I was just grumpy a lot of the time. I know a big part of it is portion control.

      I am all for eating the right food in the right amount for the rest of my life!

      Whole grains, organic (when I can afford it) fruits and veggies and all of the good stuff. I want my daughter to grow up not worrying about her weight, and not having a mom who yo-yo diets. When I reach my goal weight I do not want to live in fear that I will gain it all back.

      I want to know that it is gone for good!

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